Trying to improve your position in life :) or :(

Have you ever done something to try to improve your position in life? Maybe you had a dream to be a sports coach, maybe you wanted to be a teacher so you went to college to become a teacher. Sometime after I realized that I was not going to be a professional athlete I decided to become a personal trainer. Due to certain things I could not find a job as a trainer at a commercial gym so I went and opened my own.

By doing this I was on my way to achieving a dream and doing what I wanted to do. Something that I enjoy immensely while helping countless people. Unfortunately their were some huge downfalls. Me opening a gym was very detrimental to my marriage as I could not spend as much time, pay as much attention, give my wife the attention and love she deserved, as well as the financial equation.

She lost 65 pounds in less than 6 months. Unfortunately I helped her to do so by recommending Tabata intervals as well as giving her some resistance training exercises to follow. She started getting tons of attention from other people. These people did not pay attention to her like I did when she was a little bigger. When she started losing the weight she basically quit eating full meals and would just graze. This took away a very important part of our relationship as supper time was when we had most of our conversations.

I have been through some very rough patches in my life some of my very close friends and family know a lot about my past but one person knows more than everybody else. My latest ordeal in my life has been harder than all the others. I've had to talk to almost everyone I've encountered just to talk about it and try to feel better. I've talked to co-workers at all three of my jobs, a mentor, friends, family, clients, and even counselours. Nobody really has good advice for this sort of thing. The best things I have heard are "it will all work out for the best" and my dad said "with all the crap you've been through I wished you'd never have to go through something like this."

If you are reading this you might know what is going on in my life. I don't know how this is all going to end up but it seems like I have to move on. I now feel like I have to avoid a lot of things because they remind me. For example tonight I got off 315 south at lane avenue and thought how happy I used to be coming home from indoor soccer to see my wife. I did not tell her nearly enough how beautiful she was. I apparently was not assertive enough in certain situations and I definitely screwed up more than I realized.

I am pretty sure that I was supportive of her through most of her phD. and hall directing time. I often had supper ready for her when she got home after long 10-12 hour days but when the tables turned and I started working a crazy amount of hours was she supportive? No.